Are you like me and have negative thoughts about yourself? That inner critic can be really mean and hit you right when you are most vulnerable. Getting past this starts with how you talk to yourself. How you think and talk about yourself and what you allow into your life affects your happiness.
Where do you start?
You start by shutting down that inner voice with the negative talk that tells you you are stupid, a loser and that you aren’t good enough so don’t even bother trying. Have you even noticed how awful you are to yourself sometimes? It’s a terrible habit that needs to stop immediately.
Don’t be mean! Especially to yourself!
I was the worst for beating the critics to the punch. I was constantly saying “I’m such a loser. I’m so stupid.” And I don’t think there was a dumb blond joke that I couldn’t beat you to. Years ago I learned how detrimental this is. You know they say that positive mantras help you? Well imagine what negative ones do. Luckily, it is a habit that you can break, and shut it down. I learned this lesson years ago, and I don’t speak like that to myself anymore. I also don’t allow friends and family to speak like that about themselves around me. EVER! That is mean and unacceptable. Just because it is you saying it DOES NOT make it okay.
What about that loud mouth inner critic?
What I do still struggle with is that inner critic who puts doubt in my mind when I want to try something new. Or, when I am about to walk in to a room of strangers, start work for a new boss or volunteer position and especially each time we move and we have to re-establish a new friend network. Then, that voice speaks loudly and points out all the insecurities I have about myself. I am learning to tell her to shut up. At least sometimes I am able to turn the volume down on her. I believe that given all the personal growth work I have been doing that I am getting better at recognizing my insecurities and either silencing her myself, or reaching out to my support team and asking for help in the vulnerable times. A very recent example for me I talked about in episode 2, Finding Ways to Mentally Recharge During COVID-19. In that case it took a good friend to get me out of my head and my insecurities.
How does this affect your happiness?
I honestly believe that negative self-talk has no place in your happiness journey. It is mean and destructive. No matter how you play it off, it is not getting you closer to happy. I really love how Brené Brown talks about Authenticity in her book, The Power of Vulnerability. She says, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are.” I really believe that our happiness is very closely tied to being our authentic self. Loving and accepting that self is easier when you silence that inner critic.