Learn How to Ask For What you Need

I am on a quest to find the happier me.  I think one of the key things is self-awareness and self-acceptance.  One of the ways to be self-aware is knowing how to ask for what you need.

How do you know what you need?

One of the ways you can know what you need is by knowing your love language.  I’m no expert in this, but my husband and I read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman around 20 years ago.  I have been a self-improvement person for many, many years.  We read this back before we really had a major argument in our relationship.  As a result, reading this book together allowed us to convey what is important to each of us and helped shape our relationship.

I think the gift of communication is the best thing you can give any relationship, especially marriage. Consequently I gave the Five Love Languages book to friends and family as a wedding gift for many years.

Why am I talking about it on The Happier You Podcast?

If you don’t’ know what you need to communicate and feel loved in your closest relationships, then how can you set boundaries and ask for what you need outside those relationships?  The 5 Love Languages concept isn’t limited to couples.  For instance, once we had our son we continued on and delved into the 5 love languages of children.  Likewise, Dr. Chapman has also written books specifically for teens, singles, men…and I even saw one for military families.

This is particularly important right now during COVID-19.

As we are currently all mostly stuck at home with our closest family, we need effective communication more than ever. Or conversely, if you are single or circumstances have you living apart from your family, you still need to feel loved and show your love with those most important to you.

Once you are able to communicate what you need to feel loved and valued to the people closest to you, you will then be able to use this skill in all relationships. As we talked about in Episode 2 Finding Ways to Mentally Recharge During Covid-19, it is important to know what you need to not only survive, but to thrive during our current reality.

Its not just a one-way road though.  If you can look at the people closest to you and communicate your love in their language, your most precious relationships become stronger.  I am a total believer in this!

How do you figure out your love language?

You can go online to www.5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz.  There isn’t just a quiz for couples.  You can take the quiz for singles, teens and children.

How full is your Love Tank?

One way you can check in with your loved ones is to ask them “how full is your love tank?”  If you think of your love tank like a bank account or gas tank of a car, you need to continually make deposits because the money/gas constantly gets used up as you go through life.  Checking in and asking how their love tank is doing will give you an indicator of whether you are making enough “deposits” in your loved ones account or if you need to make more and maybe even change how you are doing things.  It gives you any easy check-in of how well you are communicating your love.

Knowing how to effectively show love to the people you care about and how to ask for what you need is a great communication tool.  I don’t think the power of communication can be under valued in any relationship!

What is your Love Language?