What If My Happiness Lies Just Outside My Comfort Zone EP#043

This week we are talking about how to find your happiness when it feels like it is just outside your comfort zone!  Many of us don’t know where to start because our personal happiness seems elusive and unclear.  How do you try to work towards something when you aren’t even sure what that “something” looks like?  Well, today’s episode is about exactly that.  What do you do when you don’t know where to start?  Today I will share my thoughts on when and how to start your happiness journey when it feels just outside your comfort zone.

Resources I referred to this week:
Finding Your Own North Star – Martha Beck
21 Day Happiness Challenge Sign Up Page – we’ll be starting another one again soon!

I hope you enjoy this week’s podcast. Don’t forget we’d love to see you over on the Facebook Group, The Happier You Podcast!  You can also sign up to get the podcast delivered right to your inbox here.

Episode Transcript:

Today we are talking about how to figure out what to do if it feels like your happiness is outside your comfort zone.  Let’s be honest. 

If you aren’t happy right now, then something is eluding you. 

When it comes to happiness, I have encountered 3 kinds of people

1. I don’t actually know what my happiness looks like…I just know I don’t have it.
2. I think I could be happier, but it looks so much easier for other people.  Why can’t it just be easy for me.
3. I’m happy enough.

I don’t think any of us changes something in our life unless we feel discomfort or a need for something different.  I know that was the case for me.  I was trying to figure out what was wrong for a couple of years before I decided to actually do something concrete about it.

I think that’s just human nature.  If you are in category 1 or 2 then here is what I think… 

In order to be happier, you start where you are at right now and figure out what you are willing to do to change your situation.  You will not be willing to go “outside your comfort zone” unless you think it is worth it. 

So, you start with what you are willing to do, build some wins and some momentum and go from there.

Recently I was asked to share my happiness journey.  After my presentation at one of the speaking engagements, a participant reached out to me wanting to know more and speak to me directly because what I shared really resonated with her.  As we were trying to find a time to connect on the phone, she mentioned that she had signed up for the 21 Day Happiness Challenge but didn’t open any of the emails yet because she didn’t think she was ready.

I had to pause on that comment and wonder what she wasn’t ready for. 

She wasn’t ready to be happier? 

She wasn’t ready to see if there were things she could do to help her figure out her happier?  My heart hurt for her.  At the time I was stumped as to how to help her if she wasn’t ready to even open the emails.

Now looking back, I know that you cannot be ready for someone else.  This is their own journey, and when she is ready, she will open the emails.

I created the 21 Day Happiness Challenge to be a starting point for people. 

To figure out some things in your comfort zone that you can do to start finding your happier.  I know that some of the challenges are more than a lot of us are ready for…and that’s okay. 

That’s why today we are talking about starting where you are at and figuring out what is inside your comfort zone that you can do to start moving toward your happy.  I was trying to figure out how to explain this and this is what I came up with…

Forgive my unsophisticated example. For whatever reason, this is the image that came to mind when I was trying to figure out how to explain this. It stuck and I couldn’t think of anything better.   Bear with me.

Imagine being at the bottom of a water-less well.  Its dark and cold and you can see a ladder to climb out.  But its 8 feet above you.  Out of your reach.  You could focus on that ladder and feel sorry for yourself because your freedom is there, you can see you way out…but you can’t get to it. 

You can focus on what you can’t do or you can look around at your current level and try and figure out how to get closer to that ladder. 

That’s what we are talking about today.  Focusing on what is in your zone now that you can do to get closer to that ladder that is going to pull you out of the well. 

Let’s go back to this speaking engagement participant who wasn’t ready to open any of the 21 Day Happiness Challenge emails.  What if you she did open them and even just one of 21 Days found something that she could do.  That would give her a small win! 

Something to celebrate and work on to until she was more confident and ready to try something else.

Let me come at this from another angle.  I have said many times that for me this journey had to start with getting to know myself and love who I am right now.  Not when I achieve the next goal, not when I lose 20lbs, not when I make more money.  Now, right now, just really love and accept me.  I figured there was no way I was going to be able to find my happier without that.  So that’s what I set out to do.

If at the beginning of the journey someone would have said, that in order to do that I needed to start a podcast and share this whole experience with others I would have said….

No! I’m not ready.  That is WAY too far outside my comfort zone, I’m out!  I’ll just stay put thank you very much. 

So I started with things that I was comfortable with and slowly built up my confidence from there.  As I got more comfortable with pushing my self to try new things and get to know my self better, I got more comfortable going further and further outside my comfort zone to learn and grow.

We all start where we are at and we do what we are willing to do right now. 

I do not like being told what to do.  It has to be my idea.  So I want your happiness to be your idea.  That’s why you can take what you want from the podcasts, from the 21 Day Happiness Challenge and from the Facebook community and work with what works for you! 

I recently discovered Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star.  As you can imagine, when I am always talking about finding my authentic self and getting to know and love her better, then people who have already done the work or who are on similar journeys recommend books, podcasts and TED Talks.  Its AWESOME. 

Martha Beck’s book talks about Your Authentic Self and Your Social self. 

That resonated with me because that is what this journey has been about for me.  Figuring out who my authentic, or as she puts it, Essential Self is, and loving and accepting her.  Sometimes your social self, the one that knows the social rules, that is always trying to people please and fit in, is so strong and powerful, that you actually lose sight of your essential self.  You have been people pleasing and fitting in for so long you don’t even know your essential self. 

If I had read this book 5 years ago, I wouldn’t have been ready for it.  As the saying goes, when the student is ready the teacher appears. 

I am enjoying getting to know my authentic self, and I am recognizing when my social self tries to take over and fit in or people please. 

I am Learning to honour who I really am and how to share her with you to inspire you to find your authentic self too.

And guess what?  That is what the 21 Day Challenge is about.  It is 21 Days of taking time for yourself to reflect and figure out who your authentic self is. What does he or she like, need, want, and feel.  Some of the Challenges in the 21 days will not resonate with you. Others will feel intriguing and interest you. 

The 21 Day challenge is meant for you to find the things inside your comfort zone right now, that you are willing to do to find your happier. 

As you find those things and build up confidence, you will then get bolder and try other things. 

Why?  Because that is what you are ready for right now, but later on you will be ready for more. 

You will have gotten to know your authentic-self better, and you will be more confident in letter her out to show her light.

How about an example?  One of the 21 Day challenges is to figure out what is play to you.  Some people will jump all over this and be able to figure that out quickly.  They LOVE play and get excited about figuring out ways of adding more of it in their life.  Others will absolutely not see the benefit of play and skip over that challenge.  Now, another person will hit the journal day and think, oh heck no!  I tried that before, and I hated it!  Yeah, me too…and guess what?  Now I love it.  Different times in your life.  Right?  And of course, some of you will already have learned the power of journaling and that one will be easy for you. 

Its all a journey of figuring out where you are at right now and what you are willing to do to find your happier. 

Whatever works for you is right for you.  There is no one way that this has to be done, there is just the way that it is going to happen for you.